All of the facts that follow are true, unlike the many lies that accompany them.
Called
by many "The George Washington of the United States" and "Funkmeister George
Clinton" by considerably fewer, Gerson is one of our nation's last great
men. Growing up in log cabin he built himself in the wilds of Newark, his
exploits on that city's bunco squad quickly became part of the American
consciousness, in as much as there is one. After winning an unsuccessful
mayoral campaign, he went on to be defeated in a gubernatorial run. However,
he still enjoys saying "gubernatorial", and will often do so with little
or no prompt. Considered armed and dangerous, he is wanted by both the
FBI and IRS for crimes against fashion. It is widely believed that if not
apprehended now, he will be caught later. He recently retired to a fishing
community just outside of Detroit.