Enapov
Lemonade stand not doing to well today?

ROBOTCROWT
Your kid won't do his homework? Call us. Can't get the childproof bottle open? Call us. Had enough of Dr. Phil? Call us.

rickubis   
I sure hope the Ponderosa doesn't get attacked by those rogue Cylons--INDIANS! Dammit! "CUT! Lorne, you idiot!"

cambria36
Is this the Timber Train? "Yes, but we just stopped long enough to let the lumberjack off."

rickubis   
Too much dead baby in this dead baby float.

Gamecreature   
"I like what you've done with the place. Is that rich, corinthian leather?"

SansSerif   
The Tastes Great Union is picketing outside the Less Filling headquarters.

Iksrtfo
Do not stick your rectal thermometer in my Venus Flytrap.

kobe
When you get a call, use the sexiest voice you have and say you are wearing nothing

Arkris
"YOU WANT THE TOOTH?! YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE TOOTH!!!"

Iksrtfo
Professor X lost his tires and rims in a bad bet against Wolverine.

SansSerif   
The 'being eaten by a grouper' look. (Thank you, this has been rip-off theater!)

Gamecreature   
"Don't look at me like that - you know you want it."

d_cat_chopra
we now return to james bond in 'foamfinger'.

rickubis   
The new, portable i-Interociter from Apple.

rickubis   
"It looks like he got in an argument over the card game and was shot." "Wow...that's tough." "Yeah. He was playing Solitaire."

Tommys_Dad
"Omigod, how many cappers did you eat?"

rickubis   
They're capping me NOW?

rickubis   
Well what do you know! The Grinch's heart was just fine. Looks like we dissected him for nothing.

rickubis   
Indie cat, or what?

rickubis   
For womanuscripts, go to 320.

Gamecreature   
"Not good enough honey. If you want him to give us a break on the parking tickets, you'll have to take it completely off."

Gamecreature   
June realizes that she shouldn't have bought that Yoko Ono alarm clock.

cambria36
Press 1 for Bruno; press 2 for Yiddish.

McFrenzy
Jacques Strapp, will you support me athletically?

rmdw   
HQ, could you run a check on this license. Says his name is Jacque Strapp.

d_cat_chopra
fred garvin's cousin dan reacts to another land shark kill.

Iksrtfo
The Dyslexic Press is in the red. Is that good for them?

pekejebe
Using rectal thermometers on fish is time-consuming

pekejebe
I'd sit down, but you know... the hemorrhoids are a killer, and I haven't washed my hands since yesterday morning

Iksrtfo
...and after I dropped the soap, I bent over like this...

pekejebe
There wasn't a door for Kiss the Boss' ass

Iksrtfo
After his raging anti-war statements, Alvin had a price on his head. Theodore was about to become a statement.

pekejebe
Sign here and here and here, initial here, date it here, stamp it, then make 4 copies to 4 friends and so on. Watch the video, and don't break the chain letter or you'll die a horrible death.

pekejebe
Fight! Hit him in the Adam's apple again, then a blow to the knee and a crunch to the crotch!

pekejebe
The latest travel package for celestial aliens

Iksrtfo
Try our combination toiletphone. Tell your friends how s**t is going for you.

Iksrtfo
Your face is gonna get stuck like that. Then you'll only be able to play wives of guys with bolts in their necks or something.

Iksrtfo
Don Felipe Valdez De La Hoya Ramirez Contron Cajones? "Please. Just call me Doug."

pekejebe
Andy got his blow-up sheep in the mail

pekejebe
I could lie to you and tell you that I believe in this product. Heck, I'm wearing Depends right now and going to the bathroom in them and you'd never know.

Iksrtfo
I shall call you 'Mini-Me'

pekejebe
The buns are always fresh on Uranus

Iksrtfo
I literally fart in your general direction.

pekejebe
Here, take my piece, I've only partly chewed it.

rickubis   
That bed's been there all along and I've been sleeping in this CHAIR all week!?

Iksrtfo
To infinity...and beyond!

elKapitan
Old West Fact You Never Knew: Billy the Kid was unpopular in school.

Enapov
Throws it over his head and walks out.

Arkris
Married for 20 years... and people said a relationship between a woman and a tree wouldn't last.

Tommys_Dad
If *I'd* been bionic, I never would've givin up my paper route.

WEIRD_1   
Here I am at the Nude beach, Trust me, this is a nude as you want me to be

Enapov
Oh look, my dash board...

Arkris
"Dear God! It's alive!"

Arkris
Disneyland dumps a suprising amount of raw sewage into the ocean.

Enapov
o/` I love the whole world it's such a crazy place....o/` "Knock it off Steve."

Tommys_Dad
At that moment, the Village People were born.

Tommys_Dad
"Get 'im girls, he hit Bunny!"

ROBOTCROWT
20 Mule Team Borax - - great stuff. Great stuff.

Tommys_Dad
The papparazzi just wouldn't let Captain Pike alone.

ROBOTCROWT
But according to this, the only thing they want to do is to serve man.

SansSerif   
iChaperone, from Apple.

Tommys_Dad
"You will be assimilated, resistance is futile."

Tommys_Dad
"Aha!" *Gets three ideas*

Tommys_Dad
In space, no one can hear you fart.

Enapov
DMV's of the 50's

Tommys_Dad
"Buffoon's ex-wife's heart? Where?"

SansSerif   
Who's got the lighter?

SansSerif   
Let's go, officer. I just got a call about some kid who masturbated himself to death in the old Wilson house.

SansSerif   
Uncle Todd was always saying, "If I'm going to be eaten by zombies, I'm going down with a smile."

ROBOTCROWT
Professor Fate intros his latest invention - - The Great Leslie-nator.

SansSerif   
"Hold on honey, I'm about to raid this..." *LEROOOOOY JENKIIIINS* "Aw shit Leroy!"