All of the facts that follow are true, unlike the many lies that accompany them.
It
wasn't until sometime during the '70's that Gerson Koenig even bothered
being born. After state agencies repeatedly declined his requests to be
raised by wolves, he declared himself an independent nation. Recognition
by both the UN and the Columbia School of Broadcasting quickly followed,
along with many lucrative jobs as a session guitarist for the London Philharmonic.
After studying loafing under many of the premier minds in the field, he
entered one of his most creative periods, during which he recorded several
of the Rolling Stones' classic albums. A deep funk ensued, which he did
not abandon until federal agencies stepped in. His fusion of cubism and
impressionism was immediately recognized by critics as being not only useless,
but incredibly ugly too. However, his recipe for 12 Alarm Chili has recieved
international acclaim. He now lives in Southern Nebraska with his thirty
cats and one boa constrictor.